Dealing with Devastating Events

Most of us, at one time or another, have a devastating event that we must deal with.  Some examples are:  the divorce or death of a spouse, losing a job, death of a child, being in a serious accident, becoming disabled, being addicted to drugs, or loss of a beloved pet.

When we are dealing with a devastating event, we must learn to let go of our expectations and dreams and adjust to the new reality.    The steps of dealing with a devastating event are the same as the steps we must go through with a death:  denial, pain, guilt, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  We must learn to accept and deal with the reality of our situation.  Only then can we find our way forward.

The one lesson we must learn when dealing with a devastating event is that we cannot change the past.  Dealing with “what if…” or “if only I had…” type thinking will not change what has happened.  We must somehow find acceptance of what happened and focus on the question, “Where do I go from here?”

To learn more about this important topic, turn in to in Studio C on November 1, 2012 and hear what the Three Generations of Payne have to say.


Letting Go

Letting go is hard to do.  Whether it is letting go of a person or a situation, it can be very difficult to give up on the hopes and dreams we had and allow ourselves to move forward in our lives.  We desperately try to hang on to what we had or thought we had when in reality, it is no longer there or was never there.

When we find ourselves disappointed in a person or a situation, it is many times the result of expectations we had, whether we were aware or unaware of them.  Before we can get over the disappointment and move forward, we need to be able to let go of any expectations we have. We need to make a matter-of-fact assessment of the situation and make sure any new expectations are realistic and focus only on what we can expect of ourselves.

It is hard to let go of our expectations.  Many times, it means giving up on a dream.  When we are able to let go, we find it frees us up to experience things as they are and to find other possibilities.  When we open ourselves up to the universe, many times we are blessed with things that are far beyond anything we could have imagined.  It can take us down a path that would have otherwise have been closed off to us.

This is particularly important when we are facing devastating events in our lives. We must let go of how things were and adjust to the new set of circumstances.

To learn more about expectations, tune into our radio show on Thursday, October 11, 2012 at noon Pacific Time on in Studio C.  The Three Generations of Payne will be there to discuss this important topic.


We all have expectations about many things in our lives – a situation, a job, a marriage, a child, a relationship, a family member, or place you are moving to.  Many times, we do not even realize we have these expectations and are surprised when they start coming out.

Expectations have a way of disappointing us when they concern the behavior of other people and not just ourselves.  We can control ourselves, but not others.  We enter into a marriage, a new job, a new city, or a new relationship with expectations about how things will be.  Many times, the reality does not match our expectations and we then feel disappointed and somehow cheated.

People enter into first marriages, in particular, with expectations about what their life and their partner will be like.  After the wedding, they find that things are not the fairy tale they expected.  Then they become disillusioned. They feel like they married the wrong person and want to get divorced.  Yet, if their expectations don’t change, they will run into the same problems again in another marriage.

Holding onto our expectations prevents us from moving forward and getting the most out of the situation.  We have to be able to let go of the expectations before we can progress to find the good in what we have.

To learn more about expectations, tune into our radio show on Thursday, September 27, 2012 at noon Pacific Time on in Studio C.  The Three Generations of Payne will be there to discuss this important topic.